Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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