im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize