During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
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I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
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Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
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