just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
