I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
