Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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