I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Randomize
