scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
