But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!