College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Oh god it's open bar.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
