In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
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we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
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Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.