Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
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It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
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Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you