Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
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I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I want to fling myself into the sun