Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.