I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
