you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
