discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
