Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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