ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
