Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
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