He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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