You can't motorboat a personality
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
