first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
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He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
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What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
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