Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
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