I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
