It's Friday. Sex?
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
