Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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