my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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