What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.