I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
MIDGETS
????
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
