just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
