i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
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We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
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