I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
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