dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
