Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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