I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
