I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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