I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
