there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
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