You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
