A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
