dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
