we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
