??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
