after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
