dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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