He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
you never un-have a 4some
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
