I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
