The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
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I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
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I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
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We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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