I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Randomize