Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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