Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
