doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
