i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Randomize
