About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
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I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
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I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
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