i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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