So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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