I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
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