my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
