The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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