Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
