no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
