I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
