i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
