I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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