I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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