Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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