how hairy? two words: wookie tits
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
